Sunday, December 30, 2007

Dave Barry, My Favorite Way to Ring in the New Year

Dave Barry reviews the doom and gloom of 2007:
"It was a year that strode boldly into the stall of human events and took a wide stance astride the porcelain bowl of history.
It was a year in which roughly 17,000 leading presidential contenders, plus of course Dennis Kucinich, held roughly 63,000 debates, during which they spewed out roughly 153 trillion words; and yet the only truly memorable phrase emitted in any political context was "Don't tase me, bro!"
It was a year filled with bizarre, insane, destructive behavior, an alarming amount of which involved astronauts.
In short, 2007 was a year of deep gloom, pierced occasionally by rays of even deeper gloom. Oh, sure, there were a few bright spots:
• Several courageous members of the U.S. Congress - it could be as many as a dozen - decided, incredibly, "not" to run for president.
• O.J. Simpson discovered that, although you might be able to avoid jail time for committing a double homicide, the justice system draws the line at attempted theft of sports memorabilia.
• Toward the end of the year, entire days went by when it was possible to not think about Paris Hilton.
• Apple released the iPhone, which, as we understand it, enables users to fly, cure cancer, read minds and travel through time.
• The plucky, lovable New York Yankees once again found a way, against all odds, to bring joy to the literally billions of people who do not root for them.
• Dick Cheney did not shoot anybody, as far as we know.
But other than that, 2007 was a disaster. American consumers came to fear products manufactured in China, which covers pretty much everything in the typical American home except the dirt. Global warming continued to worsen, despite the efforts of leading climate experts such as Madonna and Leonardo DiCaprio, who emerged briefly from their private jets to give the rest of us helpful tips on reducing our carbon footprints.
On the economic front, the dollar continued to lose value against all major foreign currencies and most brands of bathroom tissue. There was a major collapse in the credit market, caused by the fact that for most of this decade, every other radio commercial has been some guy selling mortgages to people who clearly should not have mortgages. ("No credit? No job? On death row? No problem!")
The subprime-mortgage fiasco resulted in huge stock-market losses, and the executives responsible, under the harsh rules of Wall Street justice, were forced to accept lucrative retirement packages.
So they did OK.
But for the rest of us, it was another bad year. And as is so often true of bad years, it began with ..."
For the rest of the story, click here.

10 comments:

the feathered nest said...

2007 was a weird year! Wishing you a Happy & Bountiful New Year!

Manuela

Jeannene said...

"Thinking of you this Day! And wishing you and your family and Joyful and grand Celebration for 2008! I hope This year will be a prayer come true for you;-))

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"

Love,
Jeannene

Holiday Queen said...

Cathy, Your new G+G posts are ADORABLE!! I just LOVE "Be my Valentine"!! Happy New Year!

BittersweetPunkin said...

Have a Wonderful New Year!!
Blessings,
Robin

Suzanne said...

Thanks for the New Year laugh! Have a safe and Happy New Year holiday!

Gina said...

Happy new year!

tangled stitch said...

Happy New Year and I can't wait to read in the New Year with you and your blog.

karlascottage.typepad.com said...

Thanks for the link, I am on the road travelling and missed his story. That is one of my favorite collumns of the year too

Have a great 2008!

Kim Hardt Originals said...

I love your little girl Cathy, She is so cute. Hope you have a wonderful New Year.

Kim

bee'nme said...

LOVE Dave Barry - so very funny. Thanks for sharing - I had missed this one...

I certainly have enjoyed visiting here and will happily hop back to see what's new - thanks for stopping by and saying hi at my place! Aint the Internet grand..?

Blessings,
Becky S.